30 Week & 4 Month Update

Allen told me awhile ago that I should write about my pregnancy. I believe he said something along the lines of "you should write about what it's like being pregnant so that I can read about it." Okay honey, will do.

I am now 30 weeks pregnant and I definitely feel it. The closer my due date gets the more and more paranoid I feel about going through labor. I will be the first one to admit that I am a weenie. I don't like blood. I don't like hospitals. I don't like doctors. I don't like big machines that beep for what seems like no reason at all. I don't like needles. And I especially don't like pain and I can be pretty expressive about it. With Mackenzie's delivery I just sat in a chair in the corner chugging water and desperately trying not to see too much so that I wouldn't pass out. There was no screaming or cussing like I anticipate with mine. The whole thing seemed fairly smooth. Now it's actually my turn though and it's scary. Thankfully we have a couple of classes lined up that will hopefully help make me feel more prepared. The childbirth class we are taking covers labor and delivery, postpartum, and newborn care. I joke that we'll be the only couple that knows all about newborn care already we just don't know how to handle anything before the baby is born.

Even more scary than childbirth is The After. How exactly do I care for a newborn and a 6 month old while recovering from what I can only expect will be the most traumatic event ever? Even if recovery is a breeze (fingers crossed) I still have to learn how to manage two babies at once. Just getting Mackenzie to take one nap requires an insane amount of time and effort and I panic when I think about having a newborn in the next room that needs me during my hour long nap attempt with her. Or what about her "crying it out" bouts that are loud enough to wake the entire block? I just have no idea. I told Allen that my motto for the next few months is simply "there will be crying". Whether it's baby 1 or baby 2 (or me) there are definitely going to be times where I am just going to have to let someone cry and I can't feel guilty about it. I started reading articles on raising "2 under 2" for tips but after realizing that nothing applies to my situation I switched to reading advice on having twins. So far I've found some great information and have even enrolled in Gerber's multiples program. I'm just so thankful that I have incredible help. Between family and friends I couldn't ask for a better support system. When Addison is born Allen will take off a week or two and my Mom offered to come help for about a month! I never thought I would say this in my adult life but if I still had a guest bedroom I would beg my Mom to stay.

So... pregnancy. So far it's been three months of feeling sick everyday and three months of feeling normal and forgetting that I am even growing a bean. Now that the bump is bigger there is no forgetting. My feet hurt all the time and I've started to experience really bad backpain. With Mackenzie's 12 lbs and my pregnancy weight gain (I won't say the exact number but it is under 20) I'm basically carrying around 30ish extra pounds all day long and it's unbelievably exhausting. By the time nighttime comes I just want to melt into the bed. And by night, I mean really mean like 8PM. And then comes the endless trips to the bathroom. I swear I must have gotten up at least a dozen times last night. It's basically an endless cycle because I'm also always thirsty. Bathroom, water, bed. Repeat. Even still, being pregnant feels pretty incredible. I feel like I don't get to enjoy or even really think about it much during the day because I'm so busy but once Mackenzie goes to bed and I get to sit there quietly and feel Addison kick it's magical. No matter how tired I am I love laying awake with my hands on my stomach just feeling her move. It's my time to forget about the stress and reflect on our blessings. It's the one time of day that I really get to enjoy being pregnant. It's when I wonder what she'll look like, think about the girls and how cute their matching outfits will be (yes I will be that kind of annoying Mom) and pre-plan future mommy-daughter dates. I love enjoying my quiet evenings with the bump until I eventually drift off to sleep because my days are thoroughly exhausting and I can't keep my eyes open any longer. And besides, I know that I'll be up again soon for Mackenzie's middle of the night feeding to start the process over again.

I believe we're down to less than 70 days on the countdown now and unfortunately I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I guess that's not entirely accurate because we are actually moving along. We recently disassembled our office/guest bedroom and moved a bunch of furniture around to make room for Addison's nursery. The room itself is still a disaster, though. Finding the time and energy and working around the schedule of a 4 month old is nearly impossible.

We did finish up little Addison's registry at Babies R Us several few weeks ago and I am incredibly excited for her shower this weekend. Apparently most people do not have children 6 months apart so what we had to do was actually edit Mackenzie's original registry instead of just creating brand new one. I thought it would be fun to register and use the cool scanny gun while I had an actual bump to show off but holy hell, by the time we were finished I was absolutely drained and my feet felt like they were going to fall off. I don't remember it being that physically tiring last time. And with Mackenzie's registry we were first time parents so we were in the store for much longer trying to figure out what gadgets we needed. This time it was much more streamlined. We know exactly what we actually wanted and what was just unnecessary fluff. A stroller bunting and footmuff? Nope, don't need it. Yes, that's actually on their suggested registry list and I still have no absolutely no idea what it is. The nice thing about having babies so close in age is that you don't have time to forget anything. We know exactly what diapers we prefer, what brand of pacifiers, type of PJs, gas medicine, baby shampoo, everything. We got it down.

So Addison's baby shower is this upcoming weekend and I'm not sure how it snuck up so quickly. For awhile I was unsure if we should even have another baby shower. Afterall we did just have one in September and I was a little worried about what people might think. It didn't take much convincing though to change my mind. Our adventure is unique and by damned was I going to get jipped from another normal experience. Most people have baby bumps at their own baby shower so why not me too. And besides, now I get to show off Mackenzie. This time the shower theme is "Tutu Blessed" and Mackenzie is excited to show off her ballerina skills for everyone. 

And speaking of our little ballerina, Mackenzie is 4 months old now and weighs 12 lbs. She knows how to roll over from tummy to back, reach for and hold her toys, and chew on just about everything she can get her hands on. Her constant smiles and baby talk just melt my heart! Thankfully she is a wonderful nighttime sleeper but no matter what I do I still can't get her to nap on a consistent schedule. Some days she takes a great nap or two and others are an uphill battle. She's recently had episodes of preteething that last for a few days off and on but so far nothing is poking through. Also, out of the blue she had a total bathtime freakout that surprised the pants off us. For a few days she would scream bloody murder at the top of her lungs whenever we put her in her bathtub. Just dipping her toe in the water would set her off. After several days of what we called a "drive-thru bath" (basically the world's fastest bath) she was suddenly back to normal again. We think that she must have just scared herself with her newly discovered splashing skill or something. Either way, if there is anything that I've learned about babies it's that once you have them all figured out they like to go and change it up. Her 4 month pediatrician appointment and immunizations are next week and this mommy is dreading it! Last time I was just about in tears as they gave her the shots. It's so hard to see her in pain especially when she was all happy and smiley one second only to get stuck in her little legs a minute later. One thing that I am excited for is discussing the introduction to baby food. Or mush, as I like to call it. Depending on what the doctor recommends I think we will start that here in a few weeks or so so that will be a fun milestone to experience.

Okay I wrote this update over several weeks and between multiple naps/nap attempts and even though I probably have more to write about if I don't publish it now it may never get done. Especially because I think I hear baby waking up from a nap. (Yes, she slept!)

A few pics...

Alright, love love.

Heather

Update: Monday was a special day for our family! It was finally the day of our court hearing to finalize Mackenzie's adoption. As frustrating as our attorney was throughout the process (not returning my calls and taking what felt like forever) I am pleased that in the end he did such a good and thorough job. The judge was very friendly too and even mentioned how impressed he was with what our home study said about us. I thought that was awesome of him to say because I'm sure he has hundreds of cases and for him to specifically remember us was nice. I'm just so relieved to have everything buttoned up and behind us! The only thing left to do now is finish changing Mackenzie's last name and get a few new documents issued.

Forever Day - March 10th 2014

Baby 2 - Gender Reveal

I don't really have a lot to update on but I did want to share our gender reveal for anyone that doesn't follow my Instagram page and already know. So like all 7 people, this is for you.

Our ultrasound tech double sealed the gender results envelope for us, but then I realized I had to get the information to my sister somehow because she was the one putting together our reveal. Since we were in different cities and wouldn't get together until the weekend we couldn't figure out how to do that without ruining the surprise for someone. I ended up blindfolded, face-timing her the results. Blindly I opened both envelopes, flashed the paper in the general direction I thought my phone camera was in, and then sealed them back up again. And no, I wasn't tempted to peak! I enjoy making these memories and while I'll admit it was a little difficult not to leave the doctor's appointment knowing the gender it was definitely more fun this way.

With Mackenzie we did a balloon reveal and it was such a fun experience! A week later we gave our family the news by eating cupcakes with pink icing in the middle. I never thought that I would be planning two gender reveals in a six month time span so I had to scramble for ideas pretty quickly. This time we went with silly string cans (with the label covered) so it shoots out pink or blue silly string for us, and then popping balloons filled with colored confetti for our family. If anyone wants to see what a confetti reveal is there is a video on my IG.

Ironically enough, I went through the exact same guesses as I did with Mackenzie. I was convinced it was a girl at first, then I had a feeling it was a boy, then back to girl again. Just because this bean was actually growing in my tummy didn't mean I had any special super powers or vibes that I missed before. I really had no idea.

So, the reveal! My sister came over that afternoon with the goods. We ended up using our backyard because it was easier to let Mackenzie play in the house while we ran outside to do it. Last time, Allen and I were so nervous we definitely took our sweet time opening the balloon box. This time though I just kept thinking okay lets hurry this up, I have a weebee inside who could explode any second now! It was still very special but it definitely didn't have my full attention. I remember this making me feel a little sad, like the second baby is already getting jipped. I know tons of parents have more than one child and I'm sure they all have a freak out moment when they realize their attention will suddenly have to be split between the two of them. Anyway, once Mackenzie was content playing on her piano play mat (she's a future musical genius) we rushed outside to shoot silly string.

The wind carried my silly string so that's why Allen is so covered in pink. That, and maybe just because he realized he's now the dad of two girls and his life will forever be Barbies and baby dolls. We're both very excited though and are glad that our girls get to grow up together and be the best of sisters. I'm close to my sister and I couldn't imagine going through life without her.

For months we had been discussing possible name choices. Discussing actually means disagreeing, though. With Mackenzie, we had her name picked out and at the top of our name list for years. When we found out that she was a girl I think it took all of a day to agree that she would be named Mackenzie Marie. Marie is my middle name and for some reason we were drawn to naming her after me. Maybe it has to do with our struggle with infertility and the fact that we didn't even know if we would even be blessed with a baby. I don't know but it was an easy decision. Since Mackenzie was named after me I thought it would be nice to name the next child after Allen somehow. If it was a boy we thought giving him Allen's middle name/family name (Russell) would be cute. Since we're having a girl that obviously didn't work out so my next idea was using the same initials, ART. It took a little while for him to get on board with that idea but after awhile I think we're actually decided on Addison Rose. I think it matches Mackenzie Marie pretty well, too. Mackenzie means "son of a wise ruler" and Addison means "Adam's son". For some reason I just absolutely love the fact that both names were traditionally masculine names way back when. Then paired with an extra girly middle name and I'm in love! For some reason everyone always asks about possible nicknames. I don't get it, but I've also never had a nickname. Heather. Heat? No. Anyway we call Mackenzie Kenzie sometimes and I figure Addison can be Addie.

Okay, that's all for now. I leave you with a few recent pictures. It's weird, I have two different countdown (countups?) going on. Mackenzie is 12 weeks now and I am 23 weeks pregnant.

Alright.

Love love.

Heather

Double Blessed (and double stressed)

Oops! I can't believe so much time has passed since I've posted anything.

Mackenzie is two and a half months old now and doing great. She is still itty bitty, but is growing and starting to fill out so adorably. At her two month check up she grew 4 inches and weighed 9 lbs 7 oz. Her little tummy has definitely plumped up and she is beginning to get a little bit of baby fat on her thighs! I love it. She is showing more personality everyday and constantly makes us laugh. Waking up after a long nights sleep and evening bath time are her most favorite parts of the day. She is all smiles then! We're currently working on nap sleep training and sleep associations because even though she'll fall fast asleep in our laps the moment she gets moved to her bed she wakes up crying even though she is clearly exhausted. I'd love to hold her and cuddle her all day long while she naps but unfortunately that just isn't possible. It's obvious that she is much happier on days when she gets some nap time in as opposed to those when she fights sleep and turns super cranky. It's even more important to teach her how to nap on her own because… baby number two is on the way! When Mackenzie was born I was actually 11 weeks pregnant. There was so much going on at the time that we wanted to wait until after her birth to announce the news publicly. We also didn't want to take away any excitement from Mackenzie's homecoming. Now everyone knows the news, I was just being a slacker with blogging. Well, that and I also kind of didn't know what to write.

I've actually struggled for months with my thoughts and feelings on being pregnant. I've had some great highs, like feeling the baby kick, seeing the bean on the ultrasound for the first time, and thinking about how amazing it will be to have two kids that can grow up together as best friends. I've also had some extremely tough times, though. I was sick everyday for the entire first trimester, with the worst of my pregnancy sickness kicking in the very week that Mackenzie was born and we got to bring her home. I struggled a lot when we first discovered the news. I was really upset because for years we had tried to conceive and I never once got a positive test. I used to cry each time I received a negative pregnancy test and I knew that once I finally saw a positive test that I would cry then, too. They would be tears of joy for once, though. However, that wasn't how it happened. On Friday the 13th in September (I remember the date because, you know, it figures) I was sitting on the couch watching TV and just randomly started feeling a little nauseous. We had stopped trying to conceive after our last failed IUI months prior but for whatever reason I decided to use my last home pregnancy test. Maybe it's because it was just taking up room in the bathroom cabinet or maybe some intuition took over, I honestly have no idea why I decided to take a test but I did. Within just a few seconds two super dark lines appeared in the results window. I was in the middle of replacing the toilet paper roll when I glanced down and saw the lines appear. I remember literally dropping what I was doing and zombie walking straight into the office where Allen was working on the computer. I just busted the door open and held out the test to him. We were both in total shock. He laughed out of pure bewilderment. And... I cried. I couldn't believe that after all that time (and money) now was when I got my positive. We already had our baby on the way. Adopting Mackenzie was on our hearts and minds everyday and we were so excited and looking forward to her birth. We had been trying for two years to have a baby. A. As in, one baby. I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed and unequipped for the road ahead. After rushing out to the store to buy more tests to confirm (all unmistakably positive) I remember crying myself to sleep that night. Why couldn't I have any kind of normal path to mommy hood? Why did we have to go through all of those crappy fertility tests and medications if I was going to go on to get pregnant naturally? Why did this happen after we already decided on adopting? What are people going to think? How are we going to manage two babies only six months apart? We were already committed to Mackenzie and the thought of backing out of her adoption never crossed our minds. We were already in love with her and nothing was going to change that. I was upset that I couldn't enjoy (or at least manage) one baby experience at a time. I know getting pregnant after adopting has happened to people before but I didn't even get that. We got pregnant at the same time as adopting. I felt jipped. Instead of making the hubs run out at 3AM for an ice cream craving we were sleep deprived and figuring out middle of the night feedings. Instead of being pampered with foot massages or back rubs I just appreciated when I got some extra sleep. And a perk of adopting, instead of walking around with a newborn and absolutely no baby bump leftover afterwards I had a newborn plus an actual baby bump. I was being spit up on and throwing up my dinner all at the same time. 

Thankfully over time I did a lot of thinking and gained a bit of perspective on the situation. As I was very familiar, lots of couples struggle to have baby for much longer than we did. I realized that many of them would probably switch places with us in a heartbeat if they could. When we decided on adoption we heard the ever dreaded "once you adopt then you'll get pregnant" many times and just laughed it off telling them that at least two babies are better than no babies, of course never thinking that it was actually a possibility. After all, we were diagnosed with "unexplained infertility". If tons of medicines and fancy procedures didn't work for us then why would we possibly think that it would happen naturally just a few months later? We went on to assume that when it came time to think about a second baby we would have to revisit IUIs. We even acknowledged the possibility that we may never conceive and Mackenzie could actually be an only child. Fortunately that isn't the case anymore. We've been double blessed. Double blessed and double stressed! I only hope that we can manage to survive 2014. Babies can be difficult and two so close in age will no doubtably be a challenge. Whenever I start to panic I have to remind myself that people have twins or even triplets all the time and they manage to survive just fine. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but even still, when Mackenzie is inconsolably fussy or screaming in my ear because she is so overtired I can't help but feel like I am probably going to go totally crazy. I felt guilty for a long time because I was more stressed out than excited for this pregnancy but I'm glad to be feeling better about things now. The further along this pregnancy gets the more exciting it is. Learning the gender tomorrow and beginning to decorate another nursery is exciting. Like we said when we first found out, if the worst of our troubles is that we have two babies so close together then we're doing pretty good. I've even accepted the fact that I will probably never leave the house ever again! I haven't even mastered taking Mackenzie out yet so I have no idea how managing two infants supposed to work. Like everything else, we'll figure it out and before no time it'll begin to feel natural. We're finally in the groove with Mackenzie and have successfully passed the six week survival period. Allen even commented recently that things are beginning to feel easier (easier, not to be confused with actually being easy) than when she was a newborn and that her adorable smiles make it that much more rewarding.

It's kind of humorous, actually. I really have to laugh at our situation sometimes. I was getting blood drawn at the doctor's office recently and the nurse asked if this was my first pregnancy. I said yes, but not my first baby. She just looked at me with a blank expression until I explained. Another time Allen and I were at one of Mackenzie's pediatrician checkups and we were discussing the fact that she has to get one of her ears re-tested. Before we told her that she was adopted the doctor asked us if we had any type of hearing loss in our family and Allen starts pondering his own family medical history. That type of thing seems to happen fairly often and generally doesn't bother me. It's usually comical. At Target the other day I could feel the checkout girl eyeing little Mackenzie and then checking out my bump. I wanted to shout that no, this isn't just post baby weight! At least not yet, lol. But yes, I try not to let the weird encounters like that bug me. That is until they say something stupid. Like how it's nice that we get to experience adoption as well as "having our own". Those words make me cringe. I know I've ranted about that before but it's incredibly annoying to hear. All of our children will be "our own" and they will be raised and treated like such. Just because we had one baby by adoption and one by pregnancy doesn't mean anything should be different. I've read that a lot of families with some adopted and some biological children hardly even remember which ones we're adopted and which weren't. They are all the same to them. I can already see that, too. Most days it doesn't even feel like Mackenzie isn't biological. She is just our little girl. Everyone is incredibly excited and supportive of us but I did get my first Instagram hater the other day. It was just some random nobody who thought it was necessary to track down my page and comment on a picture of Mackenzie and I. It was pretty upsetting to me but I feel like I dealt with it gracefully. And by gracefully I mean I deleted her rude comment, private messaged her a picture flipping her off, and then blocked her page.

The timing of this surprise pregnancy is actually rather fitting. Around the time we found out the news our church was doing a message series called Multiply. The notes said "sometimes it's good if things don't add up. When God is in the equation, we can end up with way more than we expected. Learn what can happen in our lives when we shift our thinking and start to Multiply." Apparently this wasn't talking about children but I still thought it was ironic. Even more ironic, one of the messages discussed how in order to multiply it must be blessed first. They were talking about tithing, but again it felt more personal. I got to thinking about my recent baptism. I couldn't remember when that happened so I started going back through my calendar. As it turns out, I was baptized on August 4th and we got pregnant at the very next opportunity. Just like they said, in order to multiply it must be blessed!

Currently I am almost 22 weeks and we're excited to find out the gender this weekend. The ultrasound was a few days ago but we're just waiting to open the results on Saturday. Seeing how big the little bean has grown was incredible and everything at the appointment went well so that was a relief. The tech spent a lot of time with us and she did an amazing job of pointing out all the awesome details for us to see. It was a great experience! Just a few months ago we were watching Mackenzie's ultrasound, only that time I was in the spectator chair. It was certainly interesting to be the one on the table with the warm gel on my stomach. I did get a call from the doctor afterwards though and apparently I have a low lying placenta and will need a follow up ultrasound in six weeks to make sure that it has moved up correctly. Until then I'm on "restriction" which means no lifting anything over 20 lbs, no exercising (no issue here, heh) or strenuous activity, and no sexy time. I did a little bit of research on the topic but it sounds like we'll just have to wait and see what it looks like at the next appointment to see if it's going to be a problem or not. Hopefully everything will turn out just fine.


A few quick notes about pregnancy so far...

Feeling the bean move is an amazing feeling. I started to feel it around 18 weeks and since then it's gotten stronger and more frequent. When Mackenzie is laying on my legs with her feet on my stomach the babies like to have a kicking war. This is the easiest way to feed her right now but pretty soon there won't be enough room. Speaking of feeding, formula feeding her has absolutely spoiled me.

Everyone says that my bump is tiny but I feel so full and fluffy. It's so round that I can't sleep (in my favorite sleeping position) on my stomach anymore.

Maternity jeans are fantastic. All pants should have a stretchy belly. I haven't actually even worn maternity clothes yet, this weekend will probably be the first time. My regular jeans are too snug to feel comfortable so I've been wearing leggings out and Victoria's Secret boyfriend pants at home.

I've never had a food craving this strong. I NEED FUNNEL CAKE. It's essential for my survival. I've been looking up recipes and even though I despise cooking I plan to make an attempt.

And labor still absolutely terrifies me.

Anyway, that's all for now. 

Love love.

Heather